WHAT'D YOU SAY?

"To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as to talk well."

John Marshall, fourth Chief Justice of the US Supreme Court

And much more difficult to do, which is why there is so little effective communication in the world.

Ever taken a public speaking course?

Ever even heard of one teaching you to listen?

THE HEART OF MISUNDERSANDING

"The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said."

Peter Drucker

20th century business consultant/teacher/author/speaker

Unless what isn't said isn't even thought.

The best way, the only way, to know what the other person thinks or assumes is to ask them.

LISTEN TO THIS

"One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say."

Bryant H. McGill, 20th/21st century American author/speaker

Make no mistake about it, listening is much more than simply hearing words spoken by someone else.

Real listening requires you understand the other person's point of view. It is not the time to accept or reject what the other person says, that will come later.

Understand? 

WHAT DO YOU HEAR?

"Nature gave us one tongue and two ears so we could hear twice as much as we speak."

Epictetus (50-120) Greek philosopher.

Twice as much!

I'll bet most of us don't listen half as much half the time.

I THINK I SHOULD LISTEN

"When the mind is thinking it is talking to itself."

Plato

4th century BC Greek philosopher

I wonder.

What happens if the mind isn't listening to what it has to say?

Ahh, but no doubt Plato took that into account when he said, "When the mind is thinking . . ."

A closed mind doesn't think.

LET ME UNDERSTAND

"The word is half his that speaks, and half his that hears it."

Montaigne

16th century French philosopher/essayist

That "word" is communication and the responsibility for it rests as much with the listener as it does the speaker.

LESS IS MORE

"The wise person has long ears and a short tongue."

German proverb

It is better to have said less than necessary than it is to say more.

I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT

"A blind man will not thank you for a looking glass."

English proverb

You may be right, the other person wrong, but rarely will anything you say cause them to change their mind if they aren't predisposed to do so in the first place.

Hai?

"Understanding does not mean agreement."

Unknown

Not in any language although it can be more of a challenge in some.

For example the Japanese have a tendency to say "hai" (yes) to what is being said to them.

At best their intent is "yes I heard you" not "yes I agree".

There is much, much more to communication than simply talking.

The Pain Of Criticism

"I feel the pain of a little censure, even when it is unfounded, is more acute than the pleasure of much praise."

Thomas Jefferson

3rd president of the United States

I think this is probably true for most of us.

And yet we can or should learn more from criticism than we do from praise.

That is if we're listening.

You Haven't Heard A Word I've Said

"A person hears only what they understand."

Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

18th century German poet

The single most under developed business skill is listening.

I said the single most under developed business skill is listening.

Did you hear me?

Listen To That

"Two great talkers will not travel far together."

Spanish proverb

Sometimes the best you can say is nothing at all.

I Feel Your Pain?

"Those that will not hear must be made to feel."

German proverb

Maybe should be but how often will that happen, particularly in business?

Making people "feel" what they cannot "hear" is a lot more difficult than doing the reverse.

Above All Else, Understand

"I have striven not to laugh at human actions, not to weep at them, nor to hate them, but to understand them."

Benedict de Spinoza

17th century Dutch Jewish philosopher

I know I've visited this notion in other quotes but it is too important not to risk overstating.

If we did nothing more than understand the views of others there would be almost no limit to what we could accomplish.

Important in business, certainly, but in all things we do as well.

The Art of Misunderstanding

"They have the unique ability to listen to one story and understand another."

Pandora Poikilos

20th/21st century author

Even when we try to understand the views of others, we often don't.

Can you think of anything more important than comprehending what others have to say to you?

And note I said comprehending, which is not necessarily the same as agreeing with or accepting.

I Hear You

"Thinking is not to agree or disagree. That is voting."

  
Robert Frost

20th century American poet

The Japanese have an interesting communication characteristic often misunderstood by westerners.

Upon hearing what the other person has to say, they will repeatedly say "hai", which mean yes.

To many non Japanese this is mistakenly interpreted as agreement when in fact the listener is only saying "I hear you."

When was the last time you acknowledged hearing what the other person said to you, and if you did, did you then think about what it meant?

Familiarity Breeds Contempt?

"The people who are absent are the ideal; those who are present seem to be quite common place."

Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

Late 18th, early 19th century German author

As a consultant I sometimes find that clients who hire me, more value my opinion than they do that coming from some of their employees.

I understand I need to make a contribution, and more often than not, I actually do.  

However, taking nothing away from me, there are times when what that is was in-house all along, had senior management only listened to their employees.

I Know That!

 "Man knows much more than he understands."

Alfred Adler

Late 19th century/early 20th century Austrian medical doctor

Have you ever thought about what you "know" versus what you "understand"?

And don't get me started about what we think we know versus think we understand.

Scary!

What You Hear More Than You Say

"Every absurdity has a champion to defend it, for error is always talkative."

Oliver Goldsmith

18th century British author

Nowhere is "less is more", more true than when it comes to talkativeness in business.

Maybe ok between seagulls but not in business.

Communicating Requires You First Listen

"The reason why so few people are agreeable in conversation is that each is thinking more about what he intends to say than others are saying."

Francois de La Rochefoucauld
17th century French writer

I don't know about you but I've been guilty of this, plenty of times.

It's really not easy to real time listen to someone, process their thoughts, form your own, and communicate them back, all in a reasonable period of time.

Not easy but very important.